The Bench Is Normal — But You Can't Stay There
Let me tell you something you don't want to hear: every athlete sits on the bench at some point. Even the best ones. Even NHL players who now earn millions once sat and watched games from the stands.
The problem isn't that you're sitting. The problem is what you do about it. Because the bench has two scenarios:
- Scenario A: You sit there, cursing yourself that it's pointless, losing motivation, going through practice at half speed. The coach notices and confirms their decision to bench you.
- Scenario B: You sit there, but you use that time. You train harder than anyone else. You talk to your coach. You show that you want to play. And the coach gives you a chance.
Most athletes choose Scenario A because it's easier. Scenario B takes courage and discipline. But it's the only way off the bench.
4 Reasons Why Your Coach Isn't Playing You
Before you start figuring out what to do, you need to understand why. And here you need to be brutally honest with yourself.
1. Performance Reason
Maybe you're simply not as good as the players who are playing right now. That's not an insult – it's reality. The question is: are you working to get better? Do you know specifically where you're falling short? If not, start there.
2. System Reason
The coach plays a system that your style doesn't fit. You're an offensive player on a defensive team. Or you're fast but the coach prefers physical play. That's not your fault – but it's something you can either adapt to, or it's a sign you belong somewhere else.
3. Communication Reason
The coach doesn't know it matters to you. They think you're happy being a substitute. You've never gone to them and said: "I want to play. What do I need to do?" Most players never do this – and that's a mistake.
4. Personal Reason
Sometimes it has nothing to do with performance. The coach simply favors other players. Has biases. Or just doesn't like you for some reason. Is it unfair? Yes. Does it happen? All the time. And you can still work with that.
The Mental Edge: 25 Mental Techniques for Athletes
The self-advocacy and coach communication technique is one of 25 techniques in the The Mental Edge e-book.
Learn more →How to Talk to Your Coach
This is the hardest part. Most athletes are afraid to approach the coach because they think they'll look like troublemakers or make the situation worse. But the opposite is true. Coaches respect players who want to play and are willing to do something about it.
Here's the exact approach:
When: After Practice, Not Before
Before practice, the coach is stressed about preparation. After a game, emotions are too fresh. The best time is after a regular practice, when things are calm. Say: "Coach, could I have a quick word with you?"
What to Say: Questions, Not Complaints
Wrong: "Why am I not playing? I'm better than Johnson."
Right: "I wanted to ask what specifically I can improve to get more playing time. I want to play and I'm willing to put in the work."
The difference? The first version attacks. The second shows you want a solution.
How to Handle the Response
The coach will give you a reason. You might not like it. But listen and don't ask "why?" – ask "what can I do about it?". Write down what they said. Thank them for their time. Then work on it. In 2–3 weeks, talk again and show what you've improved.
What to Do in Practice to Get Noticed
Talking to your coach is the first step. But words aren't enough – you need to show it on the ice, on the field, in the gym.
- Be the first to arrive, last to leave – this is a signal coaches read. It shows character and dedication.
- Do the things nobody else wants to do – block shots, battle for the puck in the corners, play defense. Coaches love players who do the dirty work.
- Be the best player in practice – not in the game, you don't have that chance yet. But in practice you do. Make the most of every session.
- Show positive energy – no angry faces, no complaining. Be the person you'd want on your team. Coaches play athletes they trust – not just technically, but personally.
- Work on your weaknesses – the coach told you what to improve. Do it. And show them you did.
A Mental Technique for Handling Bench Frustration
Sitting on the bench is mentally exhausting. Doubt, frustration, jealousy toward teammates. Your mind is running at full speed – but in the wrong direction.
Here's a technique that helps:
The "Circle of Control" Technique
Draw two circles. Inner circle = things you can control (your training, your attitude, your communication). Outer circle = things you can't control (the coach's decision, the lineup, other players).
Rule: Invest 100% of your energy into the inner circle. Every time a thought from the outer circle pops up ("why is he playing and not me?"), consciously redirect it: "What can I do to change this?"
This isn't motivational fluff. It's mental discipline that saves you tons of energy you'd otherwise burn on anger and frustration.
When It's Time to Change Clubs
Sometimes the answer is simple: this club isn't for you. And that's okay.
Change clubs when:
- You've talked to the coach, worked on improvement, and after 2–3 months nothing has changed
- The coach gave you no clear feedback on what to improve – they simply ignore you
- You feel the reason isn't about performance but personal
- The club doesn't have the level where you can develop
- You're losing the joy of your sport because of the situation
Also read: Transferring to Another Club: 3 Things You Need to Find Out First a Afraid to Transfer? Why You're Staying at the Wrong Club.
Remember: The bench isn't a punishment. It's a challenge. How you handle it says more about your character than any goal or assist. Players who fought their way back from the bench into the lineup are the strongest players on the team. Because they know what it costs.
Tip: You'll find all techniques for handling pressure and communication in the e-booku The Mental Edge: 25 Mental Techniques for Athletes.